On the unfairness of life.

Last night I lost it a little bit.

I decided that what would be a really good idea would be to torture myself by looking at the photos of people on my facebook who had recently added to their families. A bit like the old programme 'Bullseye' where Jim Bowen would torment the losers at the end of the show with '...and this is what you could have won!'

In my case, I saw what I have lost. Those lovely pictures of a child meeting their younger brother or sister for the first time and the joy and pride on the faces of the parents. One 'friend' in particular, (i call them a friend, i don't really actually know them), is onto her third child, each with that 'perfect' 2 year gap between them. I imagine she has never known the pain of loss or even of having to try, month after relentless month to achieve something everyone else seems to be able to at the drop of a hat.

I flew into a bit of a rage. I wanted her to feel just an ounce of what I, and so many others i've met on this sad journey, have felt. I'm ashamed to say I wanted to wipe the smug smile off her face. It sometimes feels very cruel that the world keeps spinning when my babies are dead. I don't like having these feelings. I know they are irrational. I know everyone else's fertility has no bearing whatsoever on my own. I know, from the last few months speaking to people on Twitter and on a popular parenting website I frequent that my story is not, by any means the worst. I am super super lucky to have a child AT ALL, something which I've been keeping in mind A LOT since the last MC.
I have a lovely life, I have more than so many others in this world and I KNOW I should be grateful.

Some days are just so hard.