Being thankful for what I have...

I remember a time in the not too dim and distant past. I've been married before. My ex husband was not a very nice person shall we say, but I was young, I wanted the marriage to work, and at 26 (!!!) I believed I was too old to find anyone else and that I'd better hurry up if I ever wanted kids. We'd been together for 5 years when we finally, stupidly, got married- after that we tried for 8 months for a baby before we finally, inevitably broke up. I was convinced I had a fertility problem, and I remember saying to the universe 'I just want ONE child, just ONE. I won't be greedy, I won't ask for anything else. I just want to know what it's like to be a mum!'

Fast forward a few years and I am blessed to have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. But until recently I'd completely forgotten this 'bargain' i'd made with the universe until I found myself asking again ' I just want ONE more, I just want her to have a sister or a brother. Then I swear, my life is complete and I won't want anything else'.

The above quote by Epicurus is something that I've called to mind time and time again in the (almost) 6 months since my miscarriage. I've never been a particularly positive person, but if any good has come from the miscarriage, it's the realisation of the good that is around me already, and the blessings I already have.

My daughter is healthy, and clever and gorgeous and I am a mum. How many people have I met in real life or on the internet who would give their right arm to say that? Even if the worst happens, and I 'only' have my daughter, then that should be enough for anybody. I am truly, truly blessed to have her. I don't think until my miscarriage and the stark realisation that her birth (and the birth of any child) was a true miracle, did I really appreciate what I had.

Tonight I remember the FACT that what I have now was all I once hoped for- a child, a good job, a loving relationship, a house that I love, friends that I love.

Whilst I still mourn what I have lost, this loss has also taught me a lesson about life.