Collecting my baby tomorrow :-(

Those of you who follow me on Twitter may have seen I posted a link last week to this article:

http://www.expressandstar.com/news/2014/03/18/scandal-of-the-unborn-babies-kept-for-up-to-four-years-at-walsall-manor-hospital/

It turns out that the hospital where I had both of my ERPCs has been found guilty of keeping the 'remains' (as the article so nicely puts it) of people's babies instead of getting them cremated in a timely manner. And yep, you guessed it...just as i'm beginning to move on with my life, fate has a lovely way of kicking me back down again. My April 2014 baby that I miscarried in October is still there, in a box, in a mortuary.

The hospital are 'sorry'. They lost my paperwork. I don't know why, when they realised they had lost my paperwork (they know it's my baby after all) that they didn't contact me straight away to come in and sign it. I don't know why I had to find out about this scandal from a link on facebook when I was at work, and I had to ring THEM to see if I was affected.

They promised me the baby would be cremated by June. That is too long for me and DH. I asked whether I could collect baby from the mortuary, and tomorrow I go to fetch my little one. We have brought a beautiful rhododendron plant and a lovely planter and we are going to keep this baby close by in our garden. It feels wrong that my tiny one has been sitting there for almost 6 months, waiting to be laid to rest.

In a twist of fate, my friend, who was due in April like me, gave birth yesterday. I am torn between happiness and extreme pain. At the moment, it all feels too much to bear. Today has been awful and I don't think tomorrow will be any better. I hate how bitter and selfish and miserable I have become.