Feeling OK and I don't know why.

Before I had my 2nd MC, I said to people, if this was to happen again, it would destroy me. The first one near enough tore me apart, and I had moments of total, absolute craziness. I don't mind admitting that; it was and still is the worst experience I've ever been through.

After MC #2, I truly expected the world to implode and that I'd end up needing psychological help. The 'benefit' of foresight though (as if there could be any benefit to this), is that I was expecting the worst after effects to play themselves out. And as such, I put a few strategies into place. The first was taking myself straight off Facebook. Ignorance is indeed, bliss. I instructed DH not to tell me ANYTHING, and after the meltdowns he's witnessed over the last few months, he was happy to go with it.

Secondly, I have avoided baby and/or pregnancy talk of any kind. At work, people know not to discuss it around me, and if it happens to come up, the subject is swiftly dropped or redirected by one of my colleagues. (I'm lucky, I know!) The other thing that makes me wonder is the anti depressants I'm on. If they are producing this feeling of almost-normality then they must be a wonder drug, and I wish I hadn't been so bloody minded after MC #1 and just given myself a helping hand rather than suffer all those months of abject misery.

Although I am enjoying this 'normal' feeling, I know that the minute we make the decision to start TTC again in earnest, I'm probably going to turn into crazy lady again. For now, that decision is on the back burner, and I think I need to take care of myself and make sure I'm psychologically steady before I do it to myself again. Plus the thought of being pregnant utterly terrifies me at the moment.

Plodding on.